I Can Resist Everything But Temptation
by A Warped View Of Reality
Summary: Hanging out behind tapestries smoking with a gay bffl, isn't what most girls do on their Saturday nights, by Lily wasn't most girls. Just as Lysander isn't like most boys, and no one knows that better than Lily. Or Lorcan, for that matter. Slash
1. A Longing Lysander

_so i managed to fit every single one of my fave gay hp pairings into this fic, bar Sirius/James, though I'm sure i can have it mentioned somewhere..._

_**Pairing(s): **Lysander/Lorcan, Albus/Scorpius, bit of Scorpius/Lysander, mentions of Teddy/James + Fred/George_

_**Disclaimer:** if i were jk then i wouldn't i be selling this?_

_**Warnings:** lorra lorra slash, in case you haven't gather that yet :P, mentions of underage sex, drug abuse, strong language_

_**Note:** 'I can resist everything but temptation' from _Lady Windermere's Fan_ by Oscar Wilde, 1892_

* * *

1.

"You are a complete pussy, you know that?"

Lysander Scamander shushed his best friend impatiently.

Lily Potter huffed, "Just pointing out the obvious, my love."

"Well I wish you wouldn't!"

"Don't you think that your obsession with your brother is becoming très stalkeresque?" She asked a minute later while taking a brief drag from her smuggled-in cigarette.

Lysander stood up then, smoothing down his school robes and turning to glare at Lily, whose face was barely visible in the faint light from the Ravenclaw common room. There were hidden in the small alcove behind a tapestry. She always, _always_, found a way into Ravenclaw Tower, even when he didn't tell her the password. "He's gone now." He pouted.

"Aw, don't be sad, sweetheart, have a fag – all things illegal make life better."

"Like sex?" He enquired as he took one from the muggle packet she offered him.

"Exactly so," She said, looking pleased, "at least until we're sixteen, then it won't be as fun."

"I'm sure it will be." He consoled, lighting up with the tip of his wand.

"But _fifteen_ is fun! Sixteen is, like, a _landmark_. One step closer to adulthood." She said miserably.

He scooped his arm around her, and let her lean her pile of messy flame-red hair against his chest. The next moment the corner of the tapestry was yanked back dramatically, and there, standing with the light of the common room surrounding him like a halo, was Lorcan Scamander, looking as furious as hell.

"_Lysander_!"

Lysander felt a squeak rising in his throat, before Lily pinched his waist viciously, and jerked him back to reality, and enabling him to come out with the oh-so-cool and collected, "Yes?" while raising his cigarette up to his lips once more.

Lorcan instantly tore it out of his twin's mouth, stomping on it angrily, "You _said_ you'd _quit_!"

"Merlin, Lor, relax. It's just a fag."

Lorcan was turning a funny purple colour, "Come with me _now_!" He hissed, grabbing Lysander's arm and yanking him in the direction of the boy's dormitories. Over his shoulder, Lysander saw Lily beaming, and giving him an approving thumbs-up. He grinned back, seeing her older brother, Albus, noticing her and stomping over, clearly ready to deliver the big brother speech yet again. Lysander wished he was there to see it; watching Lily destroy someone's entire argument with just a few choice words was highly entertaining. Especially with Albus, when all she had to say was 'Scorpius Malfoy' for her big brother to clam up and start blushing profusely.

Anyhoo, Lysander tore himself away to stare at his brother's arse as he was led up the stairs, letting his mind slip into numerous fantasies of just _what_ Lorcan would do to him when he got him in their dormitory...

But, to Lysander's everlasting disappointment, Lorcan merely sat him on his bed and delivered the age-old lecture about how bad it was for you, blah blah blah... Lysander passed the time by engaging in his favourite hobby; Lorcan-watching.

Whenever Lorcan got worked up, as he was now, his usually porcelain cheeks would flare up, with little crimson patches appearing along his cheekbones. His pale blue eyes were brighter than usual, and his lips were scarlet and wet due to the way the tip of his pink tongue kept darting out to lick them.

"Uh, Ly?"

"Uhuh?" Lysander's gaze didn't stray from his brother's mouth.

"Why are you staring at me?"

"It's fun."

Silence.

"Look, Lor, are you just gonna keep lecturing me, or are we doing to do something fun?"

Lorcan sighed, then reached his arms above his head, stretching, which caused his shirt to rise up, showing off his pale stomach and hips.

_Jump his fit bones. Jump him. Jump him. Jump him. Jump him._ A voice that sounded remarkably like Lily's was going round his head, _Oh, for fuck's sake, Ly, JUMP HIM ALREADY!_

Then Fred Weasley banged into the room. "Merlin, what a day!" He threw himself on his bed, then looked up at stared at them. "Ay up, lovebirds."

Lorcan blushed furiously and skittered over to his bed where he delved into his trunk and produced a thick, ugly book. Lysander was instantly jealous of the way Lorcan ran his fingers over the cover slowly, then opened it, tracing the words as he read them. Lysander jumped onto Fred for distraction. "So, how's your day been bad then?"

Fred pushed him off and Lysander fell back onto the other boy's bed.

"Well, you know that twat Malfoy?" Lysander nodded. Well, he knew _of _Scorpius Malfoy, and his infamous love/hate relationship with Albus Potter. "You know his sister, Hermia?" Lysander nodded again. Hermia Malfoy, utterly gorgeous, utterly fun and utterly any guy's perfect girl. Lysander also happened to know that Lorcan fancied the pants off the sixth-year. "Well she's like best mates with _all_ my family, right? So I think to myself, 'hey, she'd do a good deed for a Weasley in need', so I go find her and ask her to get me a girlfriend." Lysander raised his eyebrows. "So she laughs and is like 'sure, but I don't know that many girls' then she wants to know if I've ever snogged anyone before. I say I have-"

"But you haven't." Lysander put in.

"Yeah, but I wanted to seem cool, you know? But she guessed I was lying anyway, and offered to teach me how to snog." Lysander noticed how Lorcan had put his book down, and was listening intently. "Then I was kinda like 'whaaa?', as you can guess, then she came like really close, and, well, you know."

"She snogged your face off?" Lysander guessed.

"Yeah."

"Woah...you got to kiss Hermia Malfoy!" Lorcan said, sounding awestruck.

"_Everyone's_ sucked face with Hermia Malfoy." Lysander put in nastily.

"You haven't."

"Um..."

"_What_!"

"Bye, guys!"

"_Lysander_! Get back here_ now_!" Lysander ignored his brother and fled.

_A/N: review? pretty please with a cherry on top? or the cherry can be subsitutated for Lysander, or Scorpius, if that helps..._


	2. Lily and Leather

2.

Lysander had never really minded Hermia Malfoy until now. Now, he wished she would just go curl up in a hole and _die_.

"Wow. Lorcan and Mia, huh?" Lily asked, flopping down beside him, her head on his chest. He toyed with a lock of her hair idly.

"Yup."

"I take it you're thinking of ways to kill her now?"

"Yup."

"Then shag Lorcan until you put him into a coma?"

"Yup. Wait, how would I put him in a _coma_?"

"Excessive shagging can do that. I read it."

"_Where_?"

"I dunno. I just did." Lysander sighed. "Oh, cheer up. Tell you what, how 'bout we go out tonight? I stole Jamie's portkey last Hogsmeade when he visited."

"Where does it go?"

"London." Lily grinned. "A muggle gay strip club in London, to be precise."

"Pray tell _why_ does your brother have a portkey going there?"

"I neither know, nor care."

"Oh, you liar. You _so_ care. That means you've already found out why. Spill."

"Teddy."

"Huh?"

She rolled her eyes, "Merlin, you're thick. Sometimes I wonder how I can be your bessie."

"Because I'm so loveable, obv."

"Oh right. _That's_ why. Anyhoo, my brother is going the club to surreptitiously meet his _lover_. Who happens to be Dad's godson, Teddy."

"_WHAT_!" A voice from behind their sofa screamed shrilly.

"You know, Al, you really shouldn't eavesdrop. You might hear something you don't want to know." Lily said, not looking from up from where she was drawing some spiralling pattern on the back of Lysander's hand with eyeliner.

Sure enough, there, looking utterly gobsmacked, stood Albus Potter.

"What are you _doing_ there, anyway, Al? Oooh, is Scorpy there? Cause you know how much I love and adore your boyf."

"No, no he's not!" Albus snapped.

"Oh em gee, he _is_!" With that, she dropped Lysander's hand and dived over the back of the sofa. Lysander peered over to see a dazed-looking Scorpius Malfoy lying on the floor with Lily collapsed over him, doing a proper glomp.

"Uh, Lils, I happen to be the only one allowed to straddle Scorpius." Albus remarked.

"Oh, quit whining would you? It's not he's gonna be turned _on_ by it. _This_ on the other hand..." Suddenly, Lysander felt her freakishly strong fingers curl around his arm and yank him down there, and then, just like that, Lysander was the one in Lily's position, his face millimetres from Scorpius' and their crotches pressed closer together than was strictly decent.

"Uh..." Lysander groaned, winded by his sudden fall.

"_Ly_?" He twisted his head round to see Lorcan standing above them, staring.

"Lor! Uh, this isn't what it looks like!"

"Yes, it is, actually." Scorpius says, suddenly, his long cool fingers spread over Lysander's bare lower back, his shirt conveniently half-off. Lysander was _sure_ this was all somehow engineered by Lily. He wouldn't put anything past her.

"_WHAT_!" Albus growled and Lysander squeaked out. Then Lily was there.

"Come on, Ly, hitting the town tonight, remember? Gotta go get ready! Give your boyfriend a big kiss and say buh-bye for now." Then she dragged Albus over to the other side of the room, where she hissed something in his ear. Meanwhile, Scorpius was looking up at Lysander through lidded eyes, the hand on Lysander's back slid upward, pulling his shirt with it, the Slytherin's other hand reaching up to slide through Lysander's white-blond hair, matching Scorpius' perfectly. Then they were snogging.

It was soft and gentle, quite the opposite of how Lysander had seen Scorpius kiss Albus. Then he'd always been rough and sharp and passionate, but now, the Malfoy heir was being remarkably sweet. Then Lysander reached up to touch his face and side, and Scorpius was using his tongue and that hand was on his arse and _holy fuck_ it could clearly get a _whole lot better_.

"Woah there." Lily's voice. Lysander started to pull back, but Scorpius got his fingers on Lysander's neck and wouldn't let him. Hips were ground into hips as Scorpius' teeth were on Lysander's neck and a moan escaped bitten lips. "This _is_ an interesting new development." Lysander's hand was on Scorpius' shoulder, then neck and he pulled Scorpius' mouth back to his roughly, and then it was Scorpius groaning into him as Lysander's hand moved down between them. "As entertaining, not to mention totally hot, as this is, Ly, we _really_ have to go now if you want me to do your hair before we go." Lysander's hair had never seemed quite as unimportant as if did right then.

"_Lysander_." Lorcan. Aw, crap.

Lysander tore himself away from Scorpius, who smiled languidly up at him, "Where the hell did you learn _that_? You're fifteen, for Merlin's sake."

"Oh, you'd be surprised what Lysander's got up to." Lily said, grinning broadly. Lysander shot her a look. Lorcan's scowl became positively petrifying. "Come _on_, Ly."

She clasped his hand and dragged him up to her room. While she flew to her trunk, pulling out muggle clothes for the both of them (she kept a huge stock of his clothes in her room, to make him play dress up whenever he came over), he sank onto her bed. "What the _hell_ was that all about?"

"A cunning plan." She said, holding up a very small black dress up against her, "What do you think?"

"If you wear that you'll look like you're in competition against Amélie Weasley for Slag Of The Year. And what cunning plan? I don't like your cunning plans..."

Lily moved the dress away from her and looked at it critically. "Hm, you're right, of course. It happens to be an excellent plan which I refuse to tell you the point off just yet. What about the skirt you bought me for my birthday, and my ninja t-shirt?"

"Tell me, Lilliers!"

"What. About. The ninja." She insisted, lifting up a plain white top that had a small stick-figure ninja on and read 'you can't poke me, I'm a freaking ninja' on.

"You usually wear something more revealing on our nights out, don't you?"

"Yeah, you're right... I'm thinking glitter."

"_Lily_."

"Oh yeah, the plan. I'm not going to tell you. Here, put this on."

"_Leather trousers_! Oh no way, Lily!"

"On. And I _may_ divulge the Plan to you."

"How am I supposed to wear my boxers with these!"

"You're not."

"I hate you."

"Nuhuh! Now, I'm thinking green spangled leg warmers..."

_A/N: i'm honestly CRAVING some feedback on this, people! just one itty bitty review...??? reviews = raspberry flavoured suger. which is scrummy and highness-inducing, in case youve never had it. in which case, sucks to be you and you should go find some. now. ^_^_


	3. Loving Lorcan

3.

Lysander did have to admit, he looked pretty damn fit in leather. But they did chafe like hell. He had refused to let Lily force him into a lace fuchsia shirt, but he did have on her tight black and red t-shirt from some death metal group. She said it made him look hardcore. That and the clunky biker boots and the thick, smoky eyeliner it took her _ages_ to draw on.

Lily, in the end, had gone for the ninja top (removing the bottom half so it only came to her mid-ribs) and itty bitty black shorts with purple tights and sweeping glittery pink eyeshadow.

It turned out that everyone else had heard about their night out (everyone else being Fred, enticed by the prospect of booze and Hermia Malfoy, who was also coming, and looked stunning in a small crimson dress, much to Lysander's irritation, and the now reconciled Albus and Scorpius. Lily had explained to Albus that it was all part of her cunning plan, which Lysander _still did not know_), so were waiting in the common room. Lorcan refused to go, claiming he had 'homework'. He hated parties or anything like that, which was precisely why Lily had suggested it, since Lysander didn't want his twin there.

"Wow. I'm in heaven. Lily, have you learned how to mind-read!" Albus exclaimed the second they got inside the club (having fluidly lied their way in). Scorpius scowled and hit his boyfriend as Albus stared at one of the muscled men in a police uniform on a platform a little way off.

"Thought it'd be just your sort of place." She giggled, then looped her arm through Lysander's and led him off through the crowd. "Come on, we're going on a James hunt. He must be here somewhere." Albus and Scorpius were quickly grabbed and pulled onto the dance floor by various guys, both glaring pointedly at the other's partner. Fred had been accosted by a tall blonde boy, and looked truly terrified.

"I'll come too." Hermia piped up. Lysander shot her a glare instantly, "I need to speak to James and Teddy."

"Why?" Lily asked, having abruptly stopped and was standing, hands on hips and head cocked to one side as she eyed Hermia.

"They're my mates? And Teddy's got something that belongs to me."

"Your virginity?" Lily snorted.

"No, James'." Lily stopped stock still and stared at the older girl who was peering over heads, then turned and saw the petite redhead ogling her. "What?"

"You. And James. _James is gay_!_ With Teddy_! _Don't take my gay brother away from me, bitch_!" Lily shrieked.

But Hermia just laughed, "You've always got Albus," she said, and left, patting Lily on the head as she did so.

"Did she just...?"

"Yup."

"I'm going to kill her."

"Right there with you. Wait. If she's going after James...then that means..._she's cheating on Lorcan_!"

"Yup." Lily said grimly, her grip tightening with determination around Lysander's forearm.

"I'm going to kill her."

However, when they _did_ find Hermia Malfoy – rather late too, as Albus and Scorpius had beaten them to it – shock overtook any other murderous reaction. For when they found Hermia Malfoy, holed up in a corner booth with both James and Teddy, she was making out with Teddy. Then broke away and laughed as James and Teddy lent forward to snog over her. Lily, naturally, was the first to react.

"I _really_ should have seen this coming." Then, turning to Lysander, and whining plaintively, "Lyyyyyy, my spidey senses have stopped tingling!"

"That's nice, dear." Lysander said automatically, still staring at the older kids, "Hermia."

She wrenched herself away from James' roaming hands, and asked, "Hm?"

"You're dating my brother." She laughed. "I'm going to kill you."

Instantly Teddy and James were watching him murderously, as if daring him to even attempt such a thing. Hermia just laughed _again_. "I'm not going out with your brother, Lysander. Merlin, you really _are_ obtuse. Sweetie, your brother's gay, we've been friends for a while, and he wanted to make someone jealous."

"_OH EM GEE I KNOW WHO_!" Lily suddenly screamed, her hands clasped to her chest, eyes bright as she beamed at Lysander.

"Wait, what, are you saying...Ly and _Lorcan_! They're _twins_! Ew, Lillers, that's _gross_!" Albus protested.

"Oh, _please_. It's hardly new, Al, just look at your uncles."

"You mean Fred and Uncle George were...?" James asked faintly.

"_Eeeeeeeee_!" They turned to see Fred Jr. sprawled on the floor, unconscious.

"Oops."

"You wanna take him, Lillers?"

"Yeah, it would be better if you did..."

"Thanks, Lily!" Everyone was gone in the space of three seconds.

Lily called after them cheerfully as she got an arm under Fred's limp form, "I'll remember this day when you're all dying and only my bone marrow can save you!" Lysander took pity on his bff and returned, trying his hardest not to look at where Teddy, James and Hermia were still situated.

"That _can't_ be legal in a public place," He muttered. Lily shrugged, depositing both Fred and yet another portkey upon him. "Where are you _getting_ all of these, Lil?"

"I have connections in the Ministry." She said mysteriously and waltzed away, fluttering her fingers at him over her shoulder, "See you tomorrow, Ly."

He sighed, realising that his best friend was a conniving bitch and that he should, logically, hate her for at _least_ a whole hour for making him miss the rest of the evening to take care of Fred. But then he remember what Hermia had said, about his brother being gay, and wanting to make someone jealous, could it possibly be...? Love for Lily instantly flooded back, for her providing him with a valid excuse for going back early.

*

As Lysander had expected, Lorcan was waiting for him when he got back. Lorcan always sat up in their common room, pretending to read, whenever his twin and Lily went out. Lysander couldn't help but smile when he saw the light from the dying fire reflected off his twin's hair.

"Ly! You're back early..." Lorcan added suspiciously. "Oh." He caught sight of Fred. "What happened to him?"

"He, uh, learned why he's called Fred."

Lorcan arched an eyebrow, but didn't ask, just helped Lysander lug the unconscious Weasley up the stairs and into his bed.

When they were situated back in front of the fire, sharing a blanket, with Lorcan reading and Lysander playing with his twin's hair and Lorcan leant against his chest, Lorcan finally asked, "Why is Fred called Fred?"

Lysander tried not to grin: it was the opening he'd been waiting for since he returned to Hogwarts, "His namesake was in love with Fred's dad."

Lorcan dropped his book. "You mean..." He'd twisted round, staring at Lysander, but not in disgust; he looked almost... interested. Lysander couldn't keep the smile off his face.

"Yeah." Lysander said, then threaded a hair back into Lorcan's hair, and leaned forward to kiss him.

"Merlin, ever heard of that thing called PDA, and, you know, how _gross_ it is?"

"Lily. Now is not the time." Lysander just about managed to glare with one eye at his best friend, as Lorcan flushed and buried his face in his twin's neck.

Lily shrugged. "Ok. Whatever. Can I join in?"

"_No_!"

"Just thought I'd check, 'cause _Merlin_ that'd be hot. But fine. Where'd you put Fred?"

"Upstairs."

"Ok." She smiled, and skipped happily for the stairs to the boy's dormitories.

"_Lily_."

"I'm _bored_. Besides. _Who_ created the _fool-proof_ plan to get you in this situation in the first place, hm?"

Lysander groaned against Lorcan's neck, which in turn made Lorcan let out a throaty moan. Lysander turned and stared at Lorcan with dark eyes. Lorcan rained kisses over Lysander's face, and lips, "Never thought. You'd. Want me too."

"I've always wanted you, and I'm highly unlikely to ever stop, you fool."

"_Merlin_, I need Fred! Tell me which sofa he deflowers you on, Ly, I need to know which one to get Rose to disinfect!"

But Lysander, too engaged with working the buttons on Lorcan's shirt, didn't hear a thing.

_A/N: it's done! finally! any feedback? loved it/hated it/wanted Lysander to end up with Scorpius and are now bitterly disapointed?_


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